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Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a
loaf of bread on his way home.

Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the
chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's
sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer!
And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and
then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

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